Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
