So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
