Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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