yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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