I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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