I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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