Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
