You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
