My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
