well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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