Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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