just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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