If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
