Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
