guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
