I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
