We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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