do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
