I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
