Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
