everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
