There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
