it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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