The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
