my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
