I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
