Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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