His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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