I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
