It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
