Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
