5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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