I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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