DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
