That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
