were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
