it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
