It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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