Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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