I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
