we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
