i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
