But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
