Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
