It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
