Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
