I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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