K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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