she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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