Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
