so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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