Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
