you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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