so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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