Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
