I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
