Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
