Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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