he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
