I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
