We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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