I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
