I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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