Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
