i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
