Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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